Don’t expect to be reading this and learning something about brain fog, this series is all about the ridiculous things I say, or try to say, when brain fog has kicked in and I make no sense. 

I’m not a very serious person and I laugh quite a lot so I won’t take offence if you have a giggle at my expense; I’m actually hoping this post will make you laugh. I think you’ll realise that my boyfriend has magical powers as he knows what I’m attempting to say before I do. So, I’m going to share some of the things I’ve said since my last post that are completely nonsensical and all brain fogs fault.

  • *** Looking at a picture on Instagram of one of those milkshakes with doughnuts, flakes, brownies etc in ***
  • ‘Oh my god, why don’t we know any people, shops, fucking hell, cafes, that do these?’
  • ‘I’ve got a pain in the chest of my boob.’
  • Me – ‘I’m going to watch YouTube. No, Whatsapp.’
    Bf – ‘Snapchat?’
    Me – ‘That.’
  • Me – ‘We haven’t watched Better Call Wall. No, Paul. Oh for fucks sake.’
    Bf – ‘Saul.’
  • ‘Can you put the fan on?’ – I meant the lamp.
  • ‘I need my f-f-f-f oh fucking hell, the fucking medicine that I drink.’
  • ‘Do you need to cook the scosage and scramble regg?’ – Sausage and scrambled egg.
  • Me – ‘My back is such a sis-tas-ter. No, dis-stas-ter.’
    Bf – ‘Disaster.’
    Me – *glares at him*
  • Me – ‘I hope we can fit a desk in the bedroom, it’ll make my heart happy. I love washi tape.’
    Bf – ‘In completely unrelated news.’
  • Me – ‘How does he speak every accent? No, religion?’
    Bf – ‘Language.’
  • Me – ‘I need some lethal, lethal, lethal, least ampy-hip-sam-meems.’
    Bf – ‘Ampy-hip-sam-meems?’
    Me – ‘I said ‘lethal’ so many times because I don’t know the word.
    Bf – ‘Antihistamine?’
    Me – ‘Them.’
  • Bf – ‘What did you watch last night?’
    Me – ‘About twenty minutes of Half Upon a Time.’ – Once Upon a Time.
  • Bf – ‘I’m still hungry.’
    Me – ‘What do we have?’
    Bf – ‘Bread and cheese.’
    Me – ‘Have bread on cheese then.’
  • Me – ‘I’m quite upset that it costs for tushing the floylet.’ – Flushing the toilet.
  • *** Went to put my phone in my bra. Wasn’t wearing a bra. Phone fell through my top and onto the floor ***
  • Bf – ‘You’re never coherent this time of night.’
    Me – ‘I am cod-herent.’
  • Me – ‘If you want a face, I’ll face you with a plant.’ – I meant, ‘if you want a fight, I’ll punch you in the face.
  • Bf – ‘How long does it need charging?’
    Me – ‘Read the words.’
    Bf – ‘You mean the instructions?’
  • Me – ‘What I go say. What I go say. What I go say. What I say go.’
    Bf – ‘S.’
  • Me – ‘It’s so they don’t get f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f’
    Bf – ‘Food on their clothes.’
    Me – ‘That’.
  • ‘I’m going to face my wash.’ – Wash my face.
  • ‘I don’t like splashios. Wow, I’m putting that in my brain flog.’ – *Pistachios *fog
  • ‘Will you blind the close?’ – Close the curtains.
  • ‘I’ve seen Neil live.’ – Ne-Yo.
  • ‘You’re such a dwack.’ – I don’t even know what I was trying to say.
  • ‘There’s too much vamineger.’ – *Vinegar.
So, there you go guys, my brain is a joke – quite literally. Let me know your favourites in the comments. I think Ne-Yo will forever be ‘Neil’ to Ian and I now. Oops.


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