- ‘My Mum is the author, Jacqueline Wilson.’
I remember being in the tiny school library, and someone picking up a Jacqueline Wilson book; instead of commenting that my mother has (had) the same name, I just told my whole class that she was my mum. Everyone knew my mum, they knew her name was Jackie, I bullshitted for no other reason than to appear cool, and nobody questioned it. I was probably about 8 at the time, my mum certainly wasn’t a writer and the actual author JW, is about 20 years older than my mum. Oops.
- I named my fingers
This is such a weird one; basically when I was really little I didn’t have an imaginary friend but I did name all ten of my fingers and talk to them. I’d bend my fingers as if they were responding to me and each other, and spend ages talking to my hands. I wish I could remember what I called them but nope, it’s gone.
Okay, so I don’t even know where this one came from, but when I was a kid, up until I was about 10, I genuinely used to think that once you blew/picked your nose, the bogies turned into spiders. I can’t really go into anymore detail, bogies = spiders. The end.
- Talking to the ceiling
As well as talking to my fingers, I used to talk to the ceiling in a particular room in my Nan’s house. The ceilings were all artexed with these swirly patterns and one small shape looked like a face – I named it Kit and used to talk to it all the time. I literally have no idea why.
- Kiss and tell
The first time I properly kissed a boy, like mouth-open smooching, I was 10, and my younger brother saw me. He ran home to tell Mum and I denied it up until I was 15 because I thought if she knew I did it she’d be angry with me, and if she knew I had lied she’d be disappointed – and what’s worse than that?
- No easy way
I was the most awkward child, if there was an easy way of doing something, I wouldn’t take that route. The day before my communion, my Grandad was mowing the lawn, the lead came right into the living room and plugged in high on the wall by my Nan’s collection of porcelain flower things. I came into the living room and instead of ducking under the lead, I decided to take a running jump over it, caught my foot, yanked the plug out of the wall and fell head first into the glass spiky floral ornaments. I sliced my head at my hairline – the day before my communion; my mum was not amused.
This probably won’t shock many of you, but I was quite a bit of a drama queen as a kid, actually ‘quite’ is an understatement. My Nan used to call me Bette Davis and even though I had no idea who she was, it used to wind me up so much. I guess the main reason she called me it was because when I’d be upset and cry, I’d sit in front of a mirror and watch myself. Now, I could be sobbing hysterically and I’d still be glued to a mirror. I have no clue why I did it but that definitely stopped before I got to high school.
So, yeah, I was an odd kid, I did/said/believed some extremely weird things and I have no recollection of why or where they came from. I don’t profess to being normal now, but I’m certainly not as strange as I was as a child.
Can you think of anything weird you did as a kid?