1. There is NEVER a matching foundation. You will search forever and then it’ll be discontinued because there’s only you buying it.

2. A make up brand brings out a new foundation with thousands of shades and the lightest one is too dark.

3. Foundation is always named ‘Ivory’ or ‘Porcelain’ – and they’re too dark.

4. You’ll never find a foundation that is TOO light. If you do, you’ll die on the spot!

5. You find an almost-matching foundation shade but it doesn’t suit your skin type.

6. Highlighting with a concealer lighter than your skin tone – you’re having a laugh aren’t you? Tip-Ex.

7. Sunshine? Tanning? What is that? You’ll burn, go bright red, and go back to pale.

8. You don’t even bother fake tanning.

9. Warm/orange based bronzers look ridiculous – STAY AWAY!

10. ‘Put your arm next to mine. Woah, you’re so white.’ Thanks, thanks for that, never heard that one before.

11. ‘You look pale, are you sick?’ Will be the name of the film they make about your pale life.

12. You want to injure tanned people that complain about being pale.

13. When people have a ‘tanned’ foundation and a ‘pale’ foundation, and their ‘pale’ is ten times darker than yours.

14. There’s no such thing as ‘too much SPF.’

15. You go on holiday somewhere hot and come back the exact same colour.

16. That isn’t flashback in the photograph, you’re ACTUALLY THAT white.

17. We’re not goths or vampires.

18. If it’s hot you will always find the shade.

19. If there’s an option of sitting inside or outside – there’s absolutely no debate. INSIDE!

20. Blue veins are a fashion accessory, aren’t they?

21. Don’t bother exercising, your face will be bright red in 3 seconds.

22. When you don’t wear make up people think you’re about to drop dead.

23. Nobody understands that you love your porcelain skin. Work it!

I love my fair skin, always have. I hope you do, too.