Don’t you always hear lovely things about new puppies? How adorable they are. How loving they are. How happy they are whenever you come back into a room. Puppers are all kinds of gorgeous, and as a huge doggo person, I absolutely adore all dogs, big and small, but people never tell you about the other stuff.

‘What stuff, Sarah?’

Well, let me tell you. It isn’t all puppy kisses and cutesy head tilts, no, no, my friends. Pups are bloody disgusting and nobody told me that I’d be doing some of these things.

  1. Cutting dried shit out of his fur
    Teddy is super fluffy and he’s not always the most careful when he’s having a poo so on more than one occasion I’ve had to strategically take a pair of scissors to his bum-fluff and cut out chunks of dried shite. When he was very little, I was wiping his bum after sloppy poos with baby wipes as he’d leave poo stamps all over my carpet. Luckily we’ve had no poop situations in a while.
  2. Cleaning dried gunk out underneath his eyes
    Like us, puppers have goo in their eyes after sleeping and Ted’s gets stuck in his fur; I literally have to scrape it out with my nails and it’s gross.
  3. Feeling guilty whenever I tell him off
    I didn’t think it’d bother me to discipline him but he has such a cute little face and I don’t like it when he’s misbehaving. He’s melted my black heart.
  4. Praying to whomever would listen that he’ll shut up when he was crying during the night
    Luckily we’re very much over this stage but I thought about smashing my head against a wall quite a few times, and found myself praying (I don’t pray) that he’d simmer down.
  5. Digging around in his mouth for random objects he’s picked up; stones, paper, grass, sticks, anything but his toys
  6. Hot puppy farts
    Holy hell, there’s nothing that smells quite as bad as this dogs arse, especially in the recent heatwave – oh my days, major vom.
  7. Having a cuddle just after he’s had a wee and being soaked in piss
    It seems to be a habit of Teddy’s to want a snuggle with me after he’s been in the garden for a wee and I’m pretty sure he enjoys wiping his willy on my clothes and making me stink.
  8. Food breath
    Similar to the above, after eating he always goes in for kisses and his breath is vile.
  9. Having the inside of my nose licked
    I have never, ever experienced this before Teddy. He goes over the top with smooches and his tongue ends up inside my nostril, it’s the weirdest sensation. Do not recommend.
  10. Nipple biting
    I don’t like wearing a bra in the house and the pup is still at his biting/nipping stage so my nipples have suffered a few times.
  11. Everyone wants to speak to him whenever we go out
    The amount of strangers that come over to us and want to stroke/cuddle/speak to Teddy is wild. I’ve never socialised quite as much without Ted, and although it’s lovely, sometimes we have places to go and can’t get by his masses of fans.
  12. There’s nothing more interesting to him than licking his bollocks and he won’t stop for anything
  13. I spend more money on him than me
    Toys, treats, bandanas; I can’t stop buying him stuff.

I absolutely love the little guy, he’s the best thing to happen to Ian and I. And look at him, he’s absolutely gorgeous, but he’s sometimes pretty disgusting. If he could leave my nipples and nose alone and not wipe his pissy fur on me on me, I’d be very grateful.

Does your doggo do anything you didn’t expect?


  1. Anonymous


    Haha, I can definitely relate to some of these but as a cat owner. Wiping the goo out of his eyes, spending more money on him than on me, and the poop situation (my cat tends to get it on his paws and walk it all over the house, which is fab *rolls eyes* x x

  2. Nat


    Oh he is such a little cutie! 😀 I forgot about the dried poo stuck to their bum! My family used to have a name for it but I cannot for the life of me remember what we used to call it.

    I do miss having a dog though, even if I forgot about all these grim things, including hot farts! Years ago when I had my dog my dad left me in the car with her and she felt nervous/anxious because he'd gone and due to that she kept farting and IT SMELT AWFUL! I was locked in the car, couldn't even crack the window. Grim. 😛

  3. Ivy


    Hi:) i came across your website through Teddy's IG. I am the owner of Ivythedoodette. Really interesting post and definitely can relate to this alot.

    Saw a post regarding sleep, we trained ivy by taking her out in the middle of the night before she woke up (so she didn't make a noise,had to beat her to it). I think due to the heat has not helped. Ivy sleeps on the floor with a mini fan directly at her crate. We got rid of her bed and will introduce it in the winter (may of grown out of it). We got scared as a few degrees increase in temp can cause a heat stroke:(

    I have not had to do point 1 yet haha and don't look forward to it:( the sleep in there eyes you get used to as humans have it too:)

    Ivy is very vocal now and barks ALOT atm. We are trying the turning back on her until she stops and then praise her again. Slowly working.

    A neighbour told us to let them have as much socialising as they can at this age. Take them on walks on the main road, town markets, all human, kids and baby interaction they can get. Do it all now so when they grow up they will be angels… haha i hope. Also found out to interact them with different nationalities so they get used to it all.

    They really are like a human baby. Good luck with the rest and look forward to updates

  4. Reply

    I was literally nodding in agreement to every one of these! We have two dogs and between them they have done all of these things. I never knew how gross it would feel to have a dog's tongue up my nose (or when you accidentally open your mouth at just the wrong moment and get a tongue down your throat!) Have you experienced needing to get his anal glands expressed yet?! If not, you've got that to look forward to at some point no doubt (although thankfully the vet usually takes care of that fun little job!) He is such a gorgeous puppy though – just that cute head tilt makes all of these things OK 🙂

    Jenny xx

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